It’s Christmas time! Now although Christmas can be such a lovely time of year, for some of us it can also be that time where we may be missing someone who isn’t with us anymore. The internal battle between feeling happy and excited and like we just want to crawl in to a dark place and hide from the world can be a tough one. I just wanted to share my experience and feelings with you all and share a little bit of how I’ve learnt to cope and feel truly happy during these times. Believe me it’s taken a decent amount of time and is by no means an easy thing to do but I realised I only have this one life so lets fill it with happiness wherever possible.
So in October 2012 the worst shock of my life happened, my dad literally dropped dread. One minute here, the next minute gone. Turned out he had silent pneumonia and his heart just stopped beating. I remember just thinking that this can’t possibly be happening right? That’s not at all fair… especially not on my mother who was only young herself to be losing her husband. As families do we all pulled together and dragged ourselves through this shocking event (and I say drag as it felt like someone had tied us to a truck and dragged us along a bumpy, sharp and winding road). Now as you can imagine that Christmas just felt like a dream to us, what was there to be happy about? I just looked at happy people thinking … how dare you, do you not know what has just happened? But you know what, a lot of people out there really do know. Just because they are wearing a smile doesn’t mean that they aren’t feeling empty on the inside. After feeling pretty miserable for a long time I just thought to myself, right, let’s find some positives here …. I know you may be thinking … really? What’s positive about losing a father or husband? Well actually there are things that I think about now that make me feel good. He passed away so suddenly that he wouldn’t have even felt a thing, what could be a more perfect way to go? My dad was always so happy and loved his life, it may have been horribly tough for him at times but I can honestly say as his child all I felt was love and happiness and the sense that so long as you have your family and friends you can make it through anything. It would be easier to feel horrible and miserable forever over things like this but I know my dad would want me to live the best life I could and I know he will always be in my heart.
I think that we all go through some horrible times and losing someone you love can feel like your heart being ripped out and your world turning upside down. Grief is a very important process to go through, all be it tough. We need to take the time to process what’s happened but also find a way to live with it. I don’t believe you ever “get over it” and why should you? But I do believe we can move forward and live the best life we can holding that person deep in our hearts. Let people in, let people hug you and let yourself cry if you need to. We tend to put a wall up when we feel so awful about something but sharing how you feel and allowing yourself to feel loved and cared for by those around you will truly help to get through those tough times.
Try to look forward, think what that person would have wanted you to do, would they want you to feel sad and alone or would they want you to get that head held high and surround yourself with love and happinesses.
So to all of you out there who might be in that turmoil of happiness and sadness this Christmas time, I’m sending out positivity and love and it will get better. It’s ok to let yourself be happy.